ANX.IOUS

*photo:DAVID LACHAPELLE

"Please walk away from me
before I start to cry
No there doesn't have to be a reason
and I can't tell you why

No, nothing happened
No, no one can cause me pain
Don't stand there and look like that
While I scream out in the rain

You don't understand
and I can't make you see
You don't know what it's like
this hell inside of me

It cries and it screams
It twists and it turns
It flails and it writhes
and deep inside it burns

I want the inside out
I want the outside in
I want to make it go away
but just how do I begin

I talked to counselors and doctors
I tried even family and friends
but no matter how they tried to help
I always reach DEAD ends

I yearn to have friends near me
but I scream to be alone
I want to go and live a life
but from the safety of my home

The nights - they hurt the most of all
It's worse when I'm alone
My soul cries out to be set free It chills me to my bones

Can't someone help me?
Someone help me please?
I beg for your forgiveness
I'm down on bended knees

I see the knife and the pills
It's me I think of first
but I can't do it not again
it's them I'll hurt the worst

...

Still the hell is mine to bear
You've done all that you can
and every day I'll take a step
but will you hold my hand?"

:*(

by Laurie J Jeanneret